TELLING YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT THE DIVORCE

How to Have the Divorce Talk with Your Child

Talking with children about divorce can be difficult. A calm, simple explanation suited to their age and maturity can help them understand what is changing and what will stay the same. There is no single script that fits every family, and children may need time and more than one chance to ask questions.

When both parents can talk calmly and safely together, giving children a consistent message can help. Reassure them that the decision is an adult one and not their fault. Share what you know about how their daily lives may change. If plans are still being worked out, tell them that honestly.

Before we get into a list of things you should and shouldn’t say to your children after you and your spouse have made the decision to divorce, it is important to remember that this news should come from both parents. Having a united front is one of the best ways to help your children cope with the news of divorce.

Things You Should Tell Your Children

Explain what you know about how their lives may change.

Share confirmed information about where children may live, school, and time with each parent. Be honest about what is decided and what is still being worked out. Avoid promising details before they are settled.

Be honest about living arrangements.

If you have not decided where the children will live, say so in simple terms and let them know when you expect to have more information. Reassure them that the adults are working through the details.

Reassure your children that they are loved.

Let them know the divorce is not their fault and they do not need to fix the situation or choose sides. When you can, explain what parts of their daily routine will stay the same.

Things to Avoid Telling Your Children

Avoid blame and keep children out of adult disagreements.

Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of your children or asking them to carry messages. Keep disagreements between adults private and focus on what the children need to know.

Keep explanations age-appropriate.

Answer questions simply and honestly, with details suited to your child’s age and maturity. Children generally do not need details about adult relationship disputes or legal and financial disagreements. If a safety issue affects them, explain what they need to know in a way they can understand.

Be simple and honest about what will change.

Don’t tell children that nothing will change if it will. Explain what you know, what is still undecided, and what you expect to stay the same. Invite their questions and give them time to process the news.

Questions About Divorce or Child Custody

For questions about a divorce or child custody matter, contact Lundell Law Firm. Based in Monroe, the firm serves clients in Union County and the surrounding region. Call (704) 288-4096 or use the contact form.